Click! Click! FLASH FLASH: Between fast food rubbish and loose ends

Big MAC will never be looked at the same way after Lyns visit. Now we are talking high rolling slow digestive visions with more than a million desires served. Hurry while the combo offer lasts! This time and 4 the first time, for a minimum fee, u can obtain 2 thingies 4 the price of one, a family size oferta served by LaChapelle and LittleChapel. Thus Lyn is not talking about any junk foodie…Lyn mean flashy, BIG, and famously outrageous, very similar to our innermost desires.

Trailer park project. Jason Mena

Talking about the LittleChapel Lyn stumbled upon a little wagon and it was such a provocative dare that Lyn had to hop into the ride to see what was in store. A very gentle gentleman took Lyn by the hand and helped her enter into the guaguita where an array of random images was neatly arranged. The gentle gentleman told Lyn that the creator of these images, Mr. Jason Mena, was probably “the second most important famous artist in Puerto Rico” and he started to number a series of curricular stuff to convince Lyn that YES! This guaguita was for real and that Lyn had the privilege for taking a ride in it. Lyn was told that the photographyator takes the pictures algarete, random snap shots of graffiti, walls and street stuff while the famous creator travels around the globe…this guy is a genius! Off course it is like a tripleta wagon ready to fill your hunger even if u get a stomach ache at 3:00 in da morning.

Sofía Cáceres Nazario. That summer. Chromogenic print mounted on sintra

After the guaguita gentle gentleman forgot about Lyns presence, and hopping off at the next stop was almost a catastrophe falling down from Lyns high heels, a beautiful sighting full of rubbish and heavenly light stroke Lyns retina. Some young groupie of this kinda visions recommended Lyn to look for Mademoiselle Sofía Cáceres shrine and Lyn decided to faithfully believe this guy because the face of Sofía was so young and beautiful like a milagro about to happen at this place. There was the miracle right in a corner, like the way miracles happen unexpectedly. A mysterious guy on his way out of a room full of trashy stuff was about to cross a doorway where the most beautiful illumination was flooding the garbage room. If this miracle does not make anyone to be a believer get ready cause that means the world is coming to and end, sooner than we expect.

Camilo Carrión. Ballons and cotton candy.

Inkject print on vinyl

On the way out of the Big MAC Lyn encountered a sticky stuff that left her skirt full of loose end threads: A pink glass window full of cotton candy by Monsieur Camilo Carrión… umju! It was a happy vision as Lyn walked the land of broken dreams. Lyn had to hurry and had to take the vision to go, through the drive through window before some lady grabbed her from the last string hanging from the skirt.

This famous local, the Big MAC, is working hard to go global places against all odds. The catastrophic visions stored inside this lovely place are like a message of artful implosion telling Lyn that the blingful life is a wonderful ride. C’mon! Hop in and dare to take a look straight to the eyes of algaretismo and desires, aaAAAAANYWAYS what is the worst that could happen?! Just a little crash against reality that will leave you with the whitest orbit smile you can ever get…u know?!

709529 LOVE STRUCK: When obsession wears nail polish

Photo by Norma Vila.

The memoirs of a lonesome lady searching for Love and desire over and under her nails is probably one of the most striking visions one can ever behold. Lyn just attended a fascinating motion picture that left her breathless and forgetting that by the end of the movie the salty flavor between her lips was not coming from the pop corn but, without noticing, it was coming from biting and chewing her own nails. In this story, a terrified girly named Solimar, lost in the search for the love of deceased pop and ma, walked and walked and walked miles in the retrieve of a soft spot in her golden heart but what she found left her heart colder that a snow storm falling by a seashore. Throughout the story Lyn walked through the land of broken dreams and had visions of many things, certain familiar places in Lyns heart and eyes.

Madame actress Tisha Tikina Burgos hugged and broke Lyns heart with her suppa characterization of Solimar. Monsieur Pantojas, Solimar's Best Girla …what can Lyn say…was Monsieur Pantojas, and everybody Loves Pantojas no matter what. Miranda Purcell who played Kishas character when she was very young stole Lyns heart and threw it away letting it float for a while like a flavorful life saver candy. Actress Madame Dolores Pedro played Perpetue, the wife of bad boy Roberto, and Roberto’s Mother actress Rosie Berrido, was The Motherload of talent that for a moment produced in the theatre the sound of hundred chuckling oysters with her matriarchal attitude but also made you stick your fingernails to your soft velvet seat when goings went tough with her. Actor Ivan Camilo characterized Roberto a Dominican Papi who plays the role of Perpetue’s husband and/or Solimar lover and judging for his looks no wonder somebody would chase him like a bug hitting the dead end of a neon electrified lamp.

The music for this movie is the hippest of all. Lyn will be waitin for a soundtrack to come to a near shoppin mall. It includes Divalicious Rita Indiana and Sylvia Rexach among other jewels of Caribbean composer singers and writers. Can’t wait to watch som people dancing to the rhythm of electronic bachata/merengue and som boleros while getting their own nails done. This could become a cult soundtrack that even Almodovar would buy and start chewing his own nails thinkink “damn! Why didn’t I…!

The end of the girly/women story called UNDER MY NAILS is unexpected, exactly the same way Love leaves you sometimes. Once Lyn heard someone say, “Blessed are they who expect nothing because everything is profit”, and believe Lyn, this wonderful movie has all the potential to grab u and take u places without your own consent so just be aware of every single detail you watch and hear and feel. The rest will be Puerto Rican motion picture history and that Lyn will hopefully be seeing in a close future like… right NOW. Two thumbs up with lovely well-done manicures to Tisha Tikina Burgos, Ari Maniel Cruz and da rest of the producers.

CHUMALACATERA MAQUINOLANDERA: The hippest BEST kept secret in town

"no me hables tanta bobera/ no seas tan pamplinera/ estoy plantando bandera " - Ismael Rivera

Certainly Cafetín El Reyno @ Corona St. is the place where Lyn can find many services @ once. This wonderland *cafetin owned by Don Tony, the Godfather of Love and chichaito, is for sure one of the places where Lyn have felt the happiest of moments dancin in the streets with way better steps than Bowie and Jagger. 

Located in the truest space, within the neighborhood where Maelo grew up and skiddadle to another world, El Reyno promises you more than blissful heavenly canecas of chichaito and the best vellonera music dressed up like an Ipod showing of buttylicious mamisongas while you can play from Ismael Riveras greatest HITS to outta this world Enanitos Verdes.  The drinks can be bought through a little tiny winy window from the outside of the building or you can walk inside and have a ball playing pool on top of a beautiful blue table. Drinks are cheap and neighbor’s hugs and smiles are priceless. Talking about neighbors, YESS, they are the best service you can get over there. When these folks get their Bomba drums and tumbadoras gettoutoffdaway. Besides the truest smiles and hugs you will ever receive you can also get all the best  kept secrets in town starting from love, passion and even how to clean your undies or white gowns to get the whitest of whites while you listen to La Lupe and watch some dudes holding a limbo stick...this is sirius matter and do not expect to be able to attend all these happenings in one night, it is only possible for a local to multitask into this matters. 

Don Tony, the almighty of El Reyno, is a miracle of Love and Lyn knows 4 a fakt. Last time Lyn visited the cafetín Don Tony was not around and was heavily missed. Instead his Dear Family was attending business, as usual, with the same Love and affection that they have inherited from The Patriarch. The example of this is obvious because through the years this heavenly place that have witnessesd joy and mishaps is still for Lyn the best kept secret in town and that Lyn knows for sure when she sees Moorish and Christians dancing together to the rhythm of an anonymous maquinolandera that offers the best she can give u including hughs, kisses and the truest hand slaps you will EVER receive.

*As a matter of fakt Lyn have never seen a coffee machine @ Cafetín El Reyno...Lyn have never missed it anyways...u know?!

FACHANISTA INFILTRATION

Dear friends here Lyn give u a juicy insight. The world off fashion  histery will be written before and after Lyn infiltration inside the world of LE MOD. Our Dear Chief Editor, Nancy Cuebas, has just created a LOVELY videoartpromo utilizing Lyn Famous image. U be da judge. This Lovely Nancy really knows how to pull strings and make her own fashion music...u know?!...je pense...je sais pas?!

CULINARY HIGHLIGHTS: Let them eat cookiecakes even if it's so good that they won't last

Enjoy this Saturday snack. Crossroadscookiecakes are awesome specially when they are eaten and gone.

ENTROPY: Conversation about conversating about the Business of Science and Art in a Global World that leave u thinkin what da hell am I doin here

Lyn recently assisted to a lovely conversation in Metroplataforma organizada which is a hip getoguedaplace for cool artists like moi. During this talk-o-rama conversation Lyn had an epiphany: Artists make Art therefore they are. It was a global reunion and the moderator Mr. Castrodad was so nice to present the happening preceded by an insightful dialogue between Mr. Artist Sebastian Vallejo and Mr. Gorgeous Ralph Vázquez. The globalization of the conversation was guided in Lyns FAVORITE language, broken English English". It was a methodic chaos between Sebastian Vallejo and Gorgeous Ralph very well organized, Lyn might call it glittery entropy. 

The spectators were speechless with such a profound chemical romance between art and science. The business of art was an issue because when artists try 2 enter the business rat race THAT is the greatest off experiments. Mr. Sebastian knows that for a fact and Globalization is the formula...LYN KNEW IT! Picasso came to the panorama as the young artist perfect example of fame and success 2 b followed since Mr. Pablo was a precursor, as Vallejo mentioned and considers, because nobody talks about famous Picasso as the Spaniard artist but as the *Wonderful Global artist.

Charming Sebastian talked about the fact that being the kiddy of a famous Puerto Rican local artist painter is not an easy thing 2 swallow. The shadows of papa doc haunt him and step on his tender heels day and night and even make him get into a wrestling contest against copycatism. It is a BIG issue hard 2 get over with but this kiddo will be ok...Lyn think...Lyn pense...Lyn sais pas!

For a while we heard more artyfakts from the beautiful words of Mr. Ralph full of very important academic data and lablyngo. It was a very helpful presentation from his part, 2 bad no scientists were around. Lyn is pretty sure these absent scientists missed a historic dissertation about art and science.

For a long a while Lyn heard and heard and herd the sheeps of wordily artistic expression even though she missed Miss Collado insight on the theme.

It was a fancy talk that evening and Lyn came out of that scientific chaos platform kinda informed about the business of science and art. On the way out of the platform door, where the experiment took place, Lyn found a very confused Lady that told Lyn that she believed in the national language of art and that left Lyn thinking and scratching her head 4 a while. The Lady was a glamorous museum expert and Lyn told her that it was ok 2 b confused, that what had happened there was a necessary entropy that makes this business of art B what ever it will B will B.

 *Boys and Gials artists 2 B, take note on this scientific formula.

CULINARY HIGHLIGHTS: More Sandwich 2 come

This sandwich maker is becomin Lyns favorite. Todays special promise 2 B mouth watering even 4 some wild species. Enjoy the teaser!


MAKING A SANDWICH, N. 2 from pietroc on Vimeo.

CULINARY HIGHLIGHTS

Sebastián Vallejo. Constant flashbacks. 2011

ON SOM YUMMY DISPLAY

Last Saturday Lyn had the privilege of visiting a very kindaunique buffet. The name of the local Metroplataforma Organizada, if that will b ever possible, Lyn mean 2 organize anything in this exciting organically planned island city. As soon as Lyn entered the fancy state she encountered an eclectic array of delicious food 4 ur eyes-only. Lyn started backwards because dessert was so BIG and brightful that there was no other way 2 get started. The aperitif prepared by young Sebastián Vallejo found in the menu by the name "Constant Flashbacks" left Lyn sighting for the rest of the weekend. The brightly flavored yellow colors and blue and green make u ask for more sweet sour pungent experiences. This buoy cookin is goin places, it has had  already, and Lyn expect 2 see more of his original dishes over the tables of the BEST artsy schmancy affairs arounda World. 

Héctor Arce. Pinneaple Ewer (Black). 2011

                                                                                Fruits are always a must in Lyns diet and off course this plataforma pipol have them available 4 special clients. As a Caribbean global Lady Lyn did not have other choice than 2 ask 4 an exotic black pineapple variety home grown by Mr. Héctor Arce. The variety named after "Pineapple Ewer (Black)" would impress any greedy botanist or biotechnologist and they would make sure to secretly get rid of all possibilities to restrain mankind from taking over this strange edible to avoid confusion in the market. Brightly yellow pineapples nicely and identically shaped will always be the choice for the discriminate eye and who knows about the taste.

Norma Vila. Contador de presagios. 2011

Eggs are a delicacy and non the less the platform 4 this menu has a choice for the ovo lacto vegetarians. Madame Norma Vila, very well known for her extreme culinary experiments with proteins presented us in the menu a beautiful kebab that even Chinese street foodies would like to copycat. The delicacy of this serving made Lyn to rethink out of the eggs box. This ethereal delight serving called "Contador de presagios (maqueta) was fun 2 eat. Count your blessings without shattering them if u dare 2 order this plate. The aftertaste of this "hor d' oeuvre left Lyn reflecting about which came first, the chicken or the egg?

Javier Bosques. Peleando la pámpana. Video. 2009

The main course was a HIT! After the hard-boiled decision, Lyn decided to stick by a wonderful tenderized purple violet pámpano dish called "Peliando la pámpana". Iron Chef Javier Bosques is definitively a risky foodie. Forget about Bourdain or even Andrew Zimmern, this dude would knock them both on da face in the first 2 seconds of the first cooking round and let them begin 4 more pámpano. His fellow culinary artistic cooks above demonstrated to have a glass jaw full of water. Javier's rabbit punch is no fair 2 their fellow opponents but Lyn is not going to kiss and tell.

The over dinner talk was wonderful if only one thing left Lyn and her friends in shock...A HAIR ON DA PLATE! Yes! Immediately José Hernández Castrodad, the manager, apologized. He said that the hair was not just any common hair that it belonged to a sous chef that was about to become their Main Chef Monsieur Omar Obdulio Peña Forty. Castrodad promised no more hair raising experiences and invited Lyn 2 meet the newcomer. Forty and Lyn had a great conversation on capillary epiphanies and mishaps. We both laughed and Mr. Castrodad seemed 2 be relieved by the  whole situation. Everybody was pleased with the ambiance and of course with the menu. Lyn finished the lovely evening washing away the flavors with a cup of Coca Cola and said good bye with the promise of comming back 4 more culinary arts.

   Omar Obdulio Peña Forty. Ilustración de Oller con 
Cerquillo. 20011

                                       

NIGHTMARE ON ELM (El Lovely Mall) STREET

It has been 10 years since Lyn encountered the face of horror on a TV set. During a lovely morning shoppin @ Plaza and while researching 4 a new 150 inches plasma tv suddenly the programming being showed on the razzle dazzle array of scopearama entertainment display changed. First it was like a toy airplane flyng accross the tube hittin somkinda highrise...Lyn stood there watchin the strange novela until she hit reality, what was goin on there was no game. It was probably 9 in the morning and Plaza was'nt still completely on the go so Lyn could not see anybody else around 2 ask about this novela chapter, only a news anchormen as impressed as Lyn let her know that somthin fishy was goin on. After that the rest is a story that the whole world know...Plaza would never b the same.

Every time Lyn get ready 2 visit the nirvana shopping off the floatin island she rememorates that horrible day when her shoppin dreams almost came 2 and end. Every time Lyn enters Plaza she can not stop thinkin what it will b about the day that her happines shrine dissapears because of som crazy unempathic dude decides that shopping somwhere else will b a better option, that putting all the shopping golden eggs in one basket is no good option and it will 4 ever make u have second thoughts about the way we were as Barbara Streisand woul sing.

CULINARY HIGHLIGHTS: "Da Sandwich"

A SANDWICH IS A SANDWICH IT'S A SANDWICH!

For the faint of heart here Lyn bring u a simple recipe...a glassssssic, da one and only everybodyhashadit THE SANDWICH! This cooks are something else. U will never look at a sandwich again the same way...u know what Lyn mean, the same way u look at a beggar on a street intersection while u are in a hurry trying to drive trough a yellow light  in the middle of a hot sunny day after driving for several months with the AC broken down and many debts to pay. Enjoy the meal!



MAKING A SANDWICH, N. 3 from pietroc on Vimeo.

CULINARY HIGHLIGHTS: La Patrona

Somtimes throwing food away is a GOOD thing like my very BEST friend Marta would say. Today Lyn will start her series on Culinary Highlights, a culinary arts and critik secction on ARTYFAKT. aaaaaAAAAAALLLABOARD! Before da train leave u behind. AH! And LONG LIVE  LA Patrona and her taco bell!

"BIENAVENTURADOS LOS QUE RIEN PORQUE EL MUNDO ES UN CHISTE MALO" -Mate O.

"BLESSED ARE THE ONES THAT LAUGH BECAUSE THE WORLD IS A BAD JOKE"

CLICK OVER HERE EL MAPITA (Da Map)...just in case u get lost.

About conspiracy in ART...ssshhHHHHH

CLICK OVER HERE 4 DA BLINGINSIGHT http://pr.indymedia.org/news/2007/12/30121.php

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCKIN ON HEAVENS DOOR

 Wheres Madame Carmen? She is certainly NOT in San Diego, neither shopping or at Plaza las Américas. Lyn recently found her waiting for her next appearance in the shores of a floating island somewhere in the Caribbean but to Lyns surprise this lovely lady was waiting in vain for her yearly voyage to the holly waters.

While Lyn friends were entertained by high speed boats galore to enter a raise, non comparable to this hair rising experience that Lyn witnessed, Madame Carmen faced the whole picture goin on right in front of her charming presence. Lyn talked to her caretakers, u know the people that clean her house and make sure that everybody pays respects when entering her chateau, and asked "how come Madame is not taking her yearly cruise? This one caretaker told Lyn that for the first time in history, and it was not Madame Carmen's desition, they let all of the holly Lyns fiebrú friends take over the holly waters to celebrate their high speed frenzyness, that Carmen could wait to celebrate her yearly birthday cruise...aaaAAAAAANYWAYS Carmen seemed to be aware of the yamahamasituation and did not look worry at all. She just stood over there welcoming everybody to this new high speed nirvana experience. Lyn is preety sure that this holly lady was amazed herself to be able to let go a hundred years tradition to give way to a new tantalizing experience.

After Lyn payed her respects to Carmen and chit chat with her for a while about everythin pertinent, including her new style in accesories like the plastic flower wreath and blingful escapularios, it was time to go. Carmen approached Lyn and gave her the most beautiful plastic roses you will ever see.  Lyn and Madame Carmen looked at each other mischieviously thinkin that next cruise birthday celebration is around the corner, just wait-n-see how her wooden yolita will upgrade and be pimped up next year, let's wait and see who's gonna win da race an still be in shape to knock at San Pedros door still having the wig in place.

 ALL FOTOS BY MADAME LYN-GO-TEE HURTADO. 2011

NEW IMPROVED BUSINESS!

YES! Lyn just have  a NEW and IMPROVED business OVER HERE. If u like 2 have som more info. on previous transactions plis visit over there. THANX!

WELCOME TO YAMAJAMA

Madame Lyn-Go-Tee Hurtado welcome ALL off her friends 2 visit ARTYKAKT 2 b updated wich means AL DÍA with da artworld in Madames very own brew... aaaaAAAAAAALLLABOARD!